


Oh, Sweet!

by uhnonnymouse



Series: Ultimate (Entirely Self-Indulgent) Human AU [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders-centric, Awkward Conversations, Humor, Light Angst, Lowkey Crack, M/M, Polyamory Negotiations (except not actually), but not in a...sexy way, light fluff, the logistics of the prinxiety is up in the air, they talk about sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-19 13:56:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22145353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uhnonnymouse/pseuds/uhnonnymouse
Summary: Dee and Remus have something they've been meaning to tell Virgil.Virgil... isn't too stoked.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit Sanders
Series: Ultimate (Entirely Self-Indulgent) Human AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1613161
Comments: 7
Kudos: 85





	Oh, Sweet!

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this masterpiece by Chris Fleming: https://youtu.be/DTsdKycVZZ4
> 
> Oh so you don't really need to read the fic before this one in the series ("Absolutely Not") but it does give some background context.

When Remus and Dee had invited Virgil out for brunch, he expected the worst.

Virgil’s always been like that, preparing for the worst in every situation. Tell him a few hours ahead of time about any social gathering, and by the time he’s there, he’ll have already been to the event dozens of times again and again in his head. He suspects that’s why he never gets warnings for when Roman decides to drag him out of the apartment. He just throws clothes at him and threatens to leave the bedroom lights on if Virgil doesn’t change out of the pajama pants he’s been wearing for three days.

But when it came to the disaster duo, Virgil was even more on edge than usual. Which didn’t seem possible, but here he was.

They were already seated when Virgil entered the coffee shop. They were in a booth in the corner by the window, Remus already waving at him when he caught their eyes. How long had they been waiting? Was Remus impatient, or just enthusiastic?

“Virgil! We got you coffee! Black, just like you like it.” Remus said cheekily, inviting Virgil to sit down across from them.

“Hey. Uh, thanks.” Virgil eyed the steaming mug warrily. He hated black coffee. It gave him flashbacks to highschool, to frequent sleepless nights and an impending sense of overwhelming dread for the future. It represented a part of Virgil’s life where he’d done anything to fit in with the worst people, where he threw himself fully into every unhealthy thought and desire.

Virgil hated black coffee. He supposes Dee and Remus couldn’t know that. They looked at Virgil and saw highschool. How much of highschool Virgil were they still hanging onto? How much was  _ Virgil _ still hanging onto highschool  _ Dee and Remus? _

“I’m so glad you were able to meet with us today, Virgil.” Dee sat back, as elegantly as ever, hands around his own cup of tea. Virgil made note of the fresh tattoos on his left hand, skin raw and red around the new set of snake scales stretching across his palm.

Virgil was still reeling at Deceit’s decision to  _ permanently  _ mark up half his body with snake scales. He looked fucking lethal with half his face shimmering with scales. The red around his eye had it looking sucken, the snake-eye contact lense wrapping it all together.

Similarly, Remus was covered in tattoos, black ink of various (mostly inappropriate and disturbing) images standing out on his arms beneath the mesh of his shirt. Remus also had dozens of piercing, and Virgil swore up and down that he had more every time he saw him. Ear piercings, several eyebrows, lip, noise, and-- yeah, okay, nipple piercings.

Christ.

They looked like absolute freaks. Virgil wasn’t sure if he was more embarrassed of them or himself, having only dressed in jeans, a black jacket, and an old MCR shirt with a hole in the back.

“Not like I had much of a choice,” Virgil found himself saying. “You basically stalked us back to New York.”

After flying back from Logan and Patton’s, Roman had insisted they spend the remaining days of 2019 clubbing. Virgil argued he should spend it looking for a fucking job, because rent was due at the end of the month and no, Roman, buying groceries doesn’t make up for it. Of course what actually happened was the two of them spent the days in relative paranoia over fact that  _ wait, is the van parked outside the apartment building Remus’? When did Patton say they left Florida? No, I haven’t seen them anywhere, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t known if I’ve seen them, Roman! They’re not exactly hard to miss. _

Dee laughed. “Please, Virgil. We’ve had our sights set on NYC for a while now.”

“And when I heard that my brother was here, I knew it was time to come.”

“But this isn’t about Roman, not right now. This is about you.”

Virgil glanced between the two of them. Dee was leaning in now, eyes trained carefully on Virgil. Remus was buzzing with excitement, like a puppy. A big, perverse puppy.

“Okay?” Virgil drew the word out into a question, raising an eyebrow at them to let them now how crazy they were being.

“We have something to tell you, Virgil.”

Remus burst into a squeal of excitement before he could respond to that. He tapped the table rapidly, looking pleadingly at Dee. “Can I tell him?? Please, please, please Dee, can I tell him??”

“What? Tell me what?”

“Oh, I don’t know…” Dee smiled when Remus only whined louder. “Alright, go ahead.”

Remus’ legs kicked under the table with joy, grabbing Dee’s non-scaly hand in his.

“We’re poly now!”

That was… not what Virgil was expecting.

The Window’s error in his head must being showing on his face, because Dee chuckles knowingly, squeezing Remus’ hand.

“Polyamorous, Virgil. We’re polyamorous.”

“O-oh. Good for you guys.”

“Yes.” Deceit preened, “very good.”

“Great.” Virgil nodded, drumming the table. “Excuse me a moment?”

His phone is already ringing by the time he locks himself in the one-room bathroom.

“Roman, your brother and his boyfriend are poly now.”

“Really? Good for them.”

“Yup. Good for them.”

“...”

“...”

“Sooooo?”

“I’m not going to have sex with them!” Virgil exploded. His hands were shaking.

“Did they ask you to have sex with them?” Virgil could hear the murmur of the TV on the other end of the line. Roman was chewing on something loud and crunchy, and in that moment, Virgil wanted nothing more than to throttle him.

“Well… no. But they’re going too! Why the fuck would they tell me otherwise? Alone?? At brunch???”

“Alright, maybe they do. Why not? They’re hot.”

Virgil struggled to respond, incredulous. “Dude, gross. One of them is your  _ brother? _ ”

“We have the same face, Virgil. A compliment to him is a compliment to me. Besides, didn’t you date Dee in highschool?”

“First of all, that was  _ highschool. _ Second of all, no we didn’t, actually.”

“Ooooh, sore spot?”

“Not the time, Roman.”Virgil hit his head against the wall. “I need you to come over here. They won’t ask me outright if you’re here.”

“I beg to differ.”

“ _ Dee,  _ at least, won’t. He has some fucking dignity.”

“Jeez, what do you have against poly people?”

“I don’t!! I have nothing against poly people!” Incredulous, Virgil banged his head on the wall again. “This is fucking Dee and Remus, man. They’re not exactly subtle about the weird shit they’re into.”

“So you’re saying if they took it  _ slow _ you’d be down?” Virgil could here the smirk in Roman’s voice.

“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

Roman sighed. “Alright. Fine. I’ll be there in five. Text me an address.”

Virgil could breath again, if only by a little. “Thank you. I owe you one.”

“Oh, most definitely. But we can talk semantics later. I’m guessing you’ve locked yourself in a bathroom? Get back out there before they think you escaped out the window.”

*

“That was the worst experience of my life.” Roman said, drained of life.

“I thought it was pretty funny.” Virgil leaned further into Roman as to avoid brushing against the woman sitting next to him. Usually he loathed taking public transport, but it was either the bus or riding with Dee and Remus, and Virgil prioritized his physical safety over his mental.

“Of course you did.” Roman muttered bitterly, but scooted over to make more room for Virgil. How sweet. “I’m just waiting for you to admit this was actually a scheme set up by the three of you to torture me.”

“It’s cute, you and Remus’ brotherly bonding.”

“He tried to dive across the table to tackle-hug me. Twice.”

“Adorable.”

“He kept stealing my food!!”

Roman and Virgil laughed, foreheads touching as to shield their giggles from the world. Virgil found that immensely satisfying. Roman was usually had such a loud laugh, filling up so much space with his guffaws. It was if this laugh was just for Virgil, for the two of them and the two of them only.

“What about you and Dee?”

Virgil tensed, dread quickly replacing the joy from just a moment ago. “What about us?”

Roman stumbled over his words. “No, I mean like-- since the Lo and Pat’s wedding, you haven’t talked much. You’re not…?”

“Not what?” Virgil snapped, but immediately regretted it. “It’s-- whatever. Or, it’s fine. We made up. Nothings  _ happened.” _

“Alright, sorry for asking.” Roman huffed, leaning back to put space between himself and Virgil. The air was suddenly heavy with that still vexation that just  _ begged _ to be ignited by one well placed jab. But despite how much it made him seath and squirm, Virgil ignored it best he could.

After a few seconds that felt like a good fifteen minutes, Roman mumbled, “you still owe me. Big time.”

“I’m not doing something dangerous.”

“Booooo! Don’t you any sense of adventure?”

*

Remy sat across from Remus and Dee, face impassive behind his shades. He lifted his mocha to his lips periodically, maybe a little to frequently for someone completely relaxed.

“We’re poly now!” Remus said with a wide grin, and if he had a tail, he’d be wagging it.

“Oh? Good for you!” Remy said in that bittersweet voice that rose dramatically at the end. “Um, real quick though babes. Excuse me for just a moment.”

**Author's Note:**

> I promise I'm working on bigger projects but I'm too tired to write serious stuff and this has been sitting unfinished for like a month. 
> 
> don't take this to seriously it's real dumb


End file.
